Just a Case of Mistaken Identity

Monday started out chilly (so I wore a jacket) but by lunch time, it was uncomfortably warm in the car. First, I went to Westborn and picked up apples for the week, eight sweet corn for two bucks, hot dog buns and a nice fat eggplant.

I should explain that, while I like the idea on being a "locavore" (A locavore is someone who eats food grown or produced locally) but I confess I have a jones for roasted sweet corn. So, I gave in...

I put the sweet corn into my medium-sized stock pot and filled it with cold water. Next, I ate my lunch and then headed to Building 3 and dropped off the rest of the rhubarb pie to Jake. Why? Well, I had a huge piece of the first one on Saturday and another one of the second pie on Sunday. So, my taste for rhubarb was somewhat sated and, with Type 2 diabetes, I shouldn't be eating anything that has 1 1/2 cup of sugar in it.

Back at home after work, (after treating the cats and changing my shoes) I responded to a few emails and then went outside. I started a chimney full of charcoal and got out the push mower.

I finished cutting the front lawn and then checked the charcoal. It was ready, so I put the mower away.

I had thawed out a pound of ground chuck and a package of hot dogs, but first I put on the sweet corn. When it was totally charred, I moved it off to the cooler side of the grille and put on the four burgers. When they were done, I pulled them off and put on the hot dogs.

I shucked the corn outside (it's too messy to do this in the kitchen) and took everything inside.

I ate dinner (I admit, I only ate some of the sweet corn) and put the rest in baggies and into the fridge.

It was already 8:30 PM, so I went in to watch some TV. Now, I must confess that after 15 years working in the factory, my hearing is somewhat shot. So, I have the TV turned as loud as you can go. Be that as it may, I eventually fell asleep.

I woke up at 10:00 PM for a bathroom trip. I noticed that the back floodlights were on, so I watched outside to see my friendly neighborhood possum. Instead, I saw a SUV driving across my lawn!

Thinking they were going to steal either my trailer or the sail boat, I was p*ssed!! So, I grabbed the shotgun out of its rack, took off the condom (it keeps dust out of the barrel) and ran out back. I stepped into the spotlights and yelled in my loudest voice, "What the f*ck are you doing in my yard!"

I heard a young voice yell, "Don't shoot!" so I trained the gun on him. Then I heard my neighbor's voice, saying, "John, it's me!"

It turned out that my neighbor, knowing I wanted some wood chips, had come over with a friend to drop some off. They knocked on the door and, when I didn't answer, they went out back, around the wild garden and into the area where the old tenant had his pool and got stuck. So, to get out, they dumped the wood chips there and were still trying to get out.

I apologized profusely (my neighbor thought it was funny) and the young guy (who had brought the wood chips) said he would be back when it was drier with a load of dirt to fix my back yard.

I went back in the house, racked the shotgun and back to bed...