“It’s time to grab life by the bra strap and give it a wedgie!”

(No, I didn’t make that up, but I like it!)

It was a little warmer when I woke up on Wednesday. My rain gauge has long been inside now, but judging from the puddles, we got a lot of rain on Tuesday. I forgot that I wanted to check each down spout when it was raining to make sure they are all working. Oh well, I'm sure it will rain again.

One nice thing about waking up was I didn't have a stuffy nose! That humidifier works!!

Naturally, the day wore on, all of us waiting for 5:00 PM. I did have an interesting religious discussion with my cubicle mate, Michelle. I’m not sure what caused it, but I mentioned that I believed God was a woman, because no guy would allow the sh*t that happens to happen. She claimed God had the properties of both a woman and a man.

I used my ultimate augment. I said that, as men get older, our ears and nose continue to grow, right? She said, yes, she knew that. I said well, I was just a guy, not a god (although some women have mentioned that... – okay, I am making that up) but the ears and nose were not the first area I would have concentrated on, if I was picking out places that continued to grow!

She laughed so hard I was glad she wasn’t drinking milk! That ended our debate.

Finally, it was quitting time and I left for home, carrying the Thanksgiving decoration Vicky and I made. I kept forgetting to wish people a “Happy Holiday” or a “Good Thanksgiving,” you see. I blamed it on the lack of Thanksgiving decorations in our office. So, earlier, I made one of those turkey “hands” the kids used to draw when they were young. I couldn’t get real amazing with the colors as I only had Highlighters, not Crayolas. Vicky said it needed a title, so she wrote “Happy Turkey Day” on it and we hung it up.

Back home, I hung it on the fridge to inspire me.

I watched the evening news and talked a bit with Jeremy on his way home from work. Then I started prepping for tomorrow’s feast.

Now, I know they say you can prepare such things as pies, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and even the stuffing a day or two before. You just have to reheat them in the oven while your turkey is resting. But, that assumes you are making a turkey in the oven. So, I figure the mashed potatoes and parsnips and the stuffing can wait until tomorrow.

But, I do need to get the turkey breast in the brine. Since I am making that, I figured I’d do the Cranberry Relish (which needs to be cold) as well.

First, I tested the size of the turkey breast in a stock pot that would fit in the refrigerator. One of the nice things about living in Michigan is that, this time of year, you can use the whole outside as a refrigerator. But, I have my friend the possum and, as much as I like him, I don’t want him eating my Thanksgiving turkey! So, it needs to go in the fridge. I found the perfect one and then began to make the brine.

In a large pot, I combined two quarts of my homemade vegetable stock (you could use store-bought, if you're a pussy), 3/4 cup of Kosher salt (use 1/2 cup if you just have table salt), 1/2 cup of sugar, and the herbs (one tablespoon each of dried rosemary, sage,and thyme) over a medium heat. I simmered that (whisking occasionally) for about 15 minutes until the salt was completely dissolved. I removed it from the heat and set it out on the patio to cool (I didn't think the possum would drink it).

While that was happening, I made my Cranberry Walnut relish. This is a rip-off of a secret Boston Market recipe that Food Network did. Try as I might, though, I couldn’t find anybody who had actually tasted it, so I’m not sure why this should be so special. But, here’s what I did:

I finely grated the zest of half an orange into a medium saucepan, then squeezed in all of the juice. I added in two cups of fresh cranberries, 1/4 cup of chopped walnuts (I used black walnuts to honor my trees, not that I actually used my own black walnuts, I just bought them) and 3/4 cups of sugar. I cooked that over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the mixture thickened and the cranberries started to pop (about 10 minutes). I took it off the heat and let it cool. It tasted fantastic, BTW. Those of you who said you’d been to Boston Market but never had this relish don’t know what you are missing!

Back to the brine. I took it inside and mixed in two quarts of cold water. Now, you are supposed to put the turkey in a large, non-reactive (read plastic) container. Some people with a whole turkey use a cooler.

But, I don’t have a big turkey and don’t have a small plastic container. So, I bought one of those plastic “brining bags” that Reynold's makes. I put that in the stock pot, added the now rinsed-off turkey and poured my brine over it to cover. I stuck it in the fridge to cure overnight. By the way, if you are using a whole big bird, the recipe says to brine one hour per pound.

I put the now-cooled Cranberry Walnut relish in a container and in the fridge as well.

I was hungry, but more than tired of standing over the stove, so I just heated up a can of Hormel chili. I ate that watching taped TV shows and went to bed early.